[Back to Part 2: Electric Boogaloo]
"OUTLANDER!" He screamed again. I tried to block him out by sticking corn husks in my ears, but that didn't seem to work.
"Malachi, will you get in here and help me with the dishes!" another voice chastised.
"Coming, Isaac!" Malachi answered. I had a strange sense of déjà vu, but shook it off, after all, your girl was stuck in the middle of nowhere without a ride, and no Xzbit to be seen. So I put on my prescription sunglasses [Dr. Lawrence Jacoby is the best optometrist ever!] and went off to investigate, following the voices through the rows of the corn fields. I finally came upon a Penguins Frozen Yogurt. I went in, but nobody was at the front counter, so I rang the little service bell next to the register.
"Malachi, will you get that?" I could hear Isaac in the backroom say, more politely telling rather than asking.
"Yes dear!" Malachi answered, "damn nag have to do everything never does anything," I could hear him grumble as he walked out from the store room. Then, putting on a smile, "Good morning love, what can I get you?"
"Well I know its kind of strange, but can I wash up in your bathroom? I've been sleeping in a field."
"Restroom is for paying customers!" Isaac called from the store room.
Malachi rolled his eyes and whispered, "Its okay, its not like we're busy or anything, not since Louis Gossett Jr. opened up his store across the way." I turned and realized that I totally didn't even notice the Pinkberry across the way.
"Don't worry sweetie, Penguins is way better than Pinkberry. You know I hear they put cocaine in their yogurt, just so people get addicted," I offered. Malachi seemed to lighten up and pointed me toward the bathroom. After I had washed up, I went out to find Malachi standing on one of the tables playing with a yo-yo. He was doing all of these fancy tricks and it looked like the yo-yo was coming straight at me. I explained my situation to him, and he recommended that I call a locksmith. So I called "He who Tows behind the Rows," who was also a locksmith, to get the van door open for me.
When the Locksmith and I got to the van, he went to work straight away, while I went to perch myself sexily on the side of the van, after all, I didn't have any money, what with Oprah being sucked into the vortex and all. I knew I should have had her pay me half up front. As I propped myself, I scattered a group of flies that had been congregating on the smears of Courtney Love's blood. One of them flew up to my face, and it looked like the fly was coming straight at me.
I had struck the perfect seductive pose, just as the Locksmith got the door open. "Check out that shag carpeting in the back, its real comfy," I had started to say, just as the Locksmith broke the necklace off of the Zuni Hunting Fetish Doll. The Zuni leapt to life, and stabbed the Locksmith right in the eye. I suppose it looked like the knife was coming straight at him, and then it did, right in the eye. The Zuni pulled the knife out and then leapt. It looked like it was coming straight at me...
[Next: Part IV: A New Beginning Nightmare of Blood]
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