A Daisy Chain for Satan

So I was having that dream again last night, then one with Dolph Lundgren, Drago Lundgren to be specific. And we're in the boxing ring, and we're totally doing it, but then suddenly his deep manly moans of pleasure morph into some weird high pitched groans. I turn away, because the sound coming out of his mouth just ain't right, and see my alarm clock on the floor or the boxing ring. 4:15, it glares. I realize that its the weird moment of confusion between sleep and wakefulness, but the awful sound has carried over into real life... like some sort of Freddy Krueger Audio... and its even worse in the real world. Like that Grape Lady Newscaster who totally ate it...

Like this bitch [at mark 53 seconds]:

[bwahahah... dumb bitch... but anywho...]

So I get up, annoyed to be pulled away from Drago's strong embrace, and peek outside. From my second story my bedroom window, I see a dirty form in the darkness between the two buildings slowly gyrating on the ground moaning. My first guess its that its a wayward troll displaced by the impending demolition of the Desmond bridge. Naturally, I ring the police, since Animal Control doesn't open until 9:00 [seriously, thats the gig to have. 9:00. Bitches]. 

Anywho, the first cop shows up, and I had thought that I had ordered a stripper by mistake. Like a less Swedish [re:Russian] Dolph. All tall dark and handsome, kind of how I picture the Brawny Man to be IRL [that means "In Real Life" for you readers over 40].

"Right this way, officer," I say, tugging at my nightgown strings.

"It was reported that the noise was coming between the buildings," he says, all stern like, which only perpetuated the fantasy in my head. The only thing keeping me grounded was the Grape Lady Troll moans. 

"Oh yes, of course," I say, and lead him down the stairs and point out the way to the small alley between the buildings. As we round the corner, my tweaky neighbor pops up his head looking all confused and... well... tweakery. 

"Are you okay, sir," Officer Brawny asks. I know thats not his name, but it is to me.

"YeahI'mFineILiveHereThisIsWhereILiveWhichIsHere," Tweakerbell starts, pointing at his apartment. 

"When was the last time you used?" Officer Brawny continues. 

"ICouldNeverAffordItIWouldNeverBuyDrugs," Tweakerbell answered.

"Yer freaking out, very very badly," I added.

"Its Great," Tweakerbell said with a smile, "I'mTheWhiteRabbit"

"Sir, you were humping the concrete between the two buildings," Officer Brawny said, shining his flashlight on to Tweakerbell's dirty exposed erection. "We're going to have to take you to the hospital."

The ambulance showed up a few seconds later and carted him off. Officer Brawny was turning to leave when I thanked him for his service.

"No problem, ma'am, thats what I'm here for, to protect and serve. I hope you don't have any problems getting back to sleep."

I tugged on my nightgown again, adding, "I could use somebody to tuck me in." Then he came upstairs and showed that he really could protect and serve.