The Video...

So I was at the Blockbuster last night and I was feeling a little naughty, so, on a lark, I went and checked out the "Adult" section. I was amazed at how large the section was, being the entire second floor of the store, it doubled their video capacity!

I was having a good laugh at some of the titles. I swear, how fun would it be to be titler of pornography titles! Anywho, I was just kinda walking down the aisles amusing myself when I spied something very curious. I paused, and there, staring back at me from the cover, was my hairdresser Mary F! Ejacula II: The Red Tide Comes In, starring Mary Fucksalotta. I knew that Fucksalotta HAD to be a pseudonym. I picked up the video and scrutinized the picture. There was no mistaking it, it WAS Mary F!

I frantically searched the rest of the titles, and I discovered that Mary has indeed starred in 242 other films! I was shocked! Who knew that somebody could lead such a secret life! I always knew that she was a little easy, and I really wasn't that surprised when I heard she had started to work in the Valley. So many clues, and I never though to put them together...

Ah Memories...

I am reminded of a story. The second night Christina tried to usurp my position of general fabulousness. We were hanging out in an alleyway behind a roller rink. We had just finished an awesome skate routine to "We like the cars (the cars that go boom)." I was Tigra, and she was Bunny. It was our tightest number. The lasers were in sync and the pyrotechnics went off without a hitch. I was winded after the seven consecutive spins I had completed as the finale, and was trying to catch my breath. She said that I had a little bit of makeup on my teeth. I laughed at the idea! Me, with lipstick on my teeth, laughable. I knew she was trying to get to me. Just trying to look for cracks to dig into. She said it again, and then moved towards me, as if to remove the non-existent lipstick. I pushed her down and laughed.

"You will NEVER be as pretty as me!" I yelled down to her. I think she started to cry, so I smacked her. "Its time for the encore, get up and stop your crocodile tears!" The pulsing beat of JJ Fad started to reverberate off the walls. I begrudgingly offered my hand to pick her up.

We went out and skated a mean routine. Starlight Express had nothing on us! But then I saw them. The faces in the crowd... laughing. Laughing at me! I chocked back a sob and missed a step. Why were they laughing!?! I screamed out in my head. I couldn't take it anymore, and I bolted for my dressing room.

Then I saw it. Sitting in front of the mirror, checking my fabulousness, I saw a smudge of Revlon Red#65 on my left incisor. That bitch! She set me up! She knew... all along! Thats when I sacked her and replaced her with a younger Mary Lou Retton.

One Time, At Band Camp, I put Christina In My...

Storage Trunk! What were you thinking... nasties.

We totally got into a fight when she tried to put gum in my hair cause I had just gotten it cut like Siobhan Fahey and Christina was all jealous cause her stylist gave her a stupid looking Sara Dallin cut. Christina will lie about it to this day, saying that she was the one with the Siobhan cut, but thats cause she is a liar. She didn't even like Siobhan until Shakespheres Sister. She has always been jealous of my fabulousness.