Tuesday, August 23, 2005

Fucking Jennifer Aniston...

I was sitting at the local Coffee Shop when that pris Jennifer Aniston rolls up with her entourage of publicists and story spinners. I couldn't help but over hear their conversations, after I moved to the table next to hers that is.

"I have to keep my image clean! I am America's new sweetheart, goddamn it! I need my face on every supermarket mag!" She commanded. "That Cunt Angelina can't be getting all this good will attention adopting all her fucking little brown babies! Who cares about these brats, AMERICA LOVES ME! Not her!"

"We can spin stories about how you are heartbroken over Brad, the women of America will eat it up, you know, really identify with your pain." Chirped one of her publicists.

"Yeah, and we can tell them how you are persevering after that home wrecker ruined your life." added another.

"And you can get your hair cut in that Rachael cut from ten years ago..." I chimed in. She jerked her gaze in my direction, scowling.

"What did you say, Bitch?" She growled.

"I saaaaid... you can get you hair cut in that Rachael do that you did. That way people will recognize you more while you cling to the ever dimming spotlight of your career, reaching for attention while you effectively have done nothing."

She was shocked silent. Her entourage aghast. Trying to decipher some reaction from her on how they should react, attempting to read the blank botoxed slate. Then she sprung at me, her reflexes similar to that of a rabid cat with brain damage. I grabbed my coffee and flung it into her face. She shrieked as her face began to melt. Seriously. It was fucking melting! I was shocked, and nauseated, but I kept my cool... cause Im cool like that... like the De La Soul song...

"Dammit, you bitch! I just put that face on!" Demon Aniston bellowed as her wings unfurled from behind her.

"Whatever." I shot back disaffectedly as she rose up into the night and flew off.

Thursday, August 4, 2005

Damned Lofts

So last week, I got kicked out of my apartment. That damned Downtown Long Beach Business Group decided to turn my apartment complex into a parking garage to accommodate the new Walmart. Its not like there isn't already a parking garage right next to the Walmart... but they're turning that into Lofts next week... I had to spend the night in Lincoln Park last night. It wasn't so bad, I found a nice place under the bridge in the Japanese Garden. I started charging a toll to passerbys... I almost have enough to buy one of the new Condos on Ocean Blvd.