So I was walking out of the
Rite-Aid after picking up a prescription [long story, lets just say,
"Six Degrees of Taylor Swift" is not a fun game to play] listening to
the new My Bloody Valentine album on my headphones. As I exited the
store I was greeted by a pair of little boys standing by a folding table
selling tins of popcorn. One of them was talking to me but I couldn't
hear him over the reverbic swell of Kevin Shield's white noise.
"---buy some popcorn to support our organization?" I heard the boy finish after I popped my earbuds out.
"Like I would support your shitty homophobic organization." I scoffed.
"But--"
"--but
nothing!" I interrupted. "For an organization that is supposed to be
'protect and serve,' or some shit, its certainly filled with a bunch of elitist
bullshit. If sexuality has no place in your crappy Scouts, then why does
your organization support an out right ban?"
"But--"
"I'm
not finished!" I interrupted again. "Those poor little queer kids want
to learn to make a fire out of twigs and tie fucked up knots just as
much as you little straight kids. In fact, knot tying more of a
practical skill for them, since they'll be able to use those skills when they
start going to those nasty BDSM clubs. So fuck your shitty elitist
club!" I added, just before flipping their table over, scattering tins
of popcorn on the ground.
"Excuse me, but what the hell are you doing?!" a woman was yelling as she ran up to us.
"Oh,
so you must be one of these kids' mother, huh? Well let me tell you
something, the Boys Scouts of America is a intolerant organization, and
you should be ashamed to have your kids in--"
"Kids? This is my husband!" the woman said.
"Huh?" record scratch. I guess I should have noticed the one of the kids had a thick ass mustache and the a full grey beard.
"Yeah,
lady, we're raising money for 'Lilliput.' Its organization that helps
little people from being overlooked," the mustached guy said.
"What, do they buy you lifts or something? I'm sorry guys, I'm just really upset by this new My Bloody Valentine album."
"I know, right!?" the woman said.
"I mean, come on, twenty one years later and you give us 'Isn't Anything' part two?"
"But not as interesting!" the woman added.
"Oh snap!" I said, with a snap. I then apologized again for the confusion and bought all of their popcorn tins
to make it up to them. The woman was helping me load them into my car, and as we
closed the trunk I turned to her, "I'm sorry, its driving me crazy, so I
just have to ask, how do they survive with such tiny little organs?!"
"I know, its totally weird. I just try not to think about it."
