So twenty minutes later we roll up. We were about to ring the bell when Lindsay Lohan stumbled out with a enough blow on her upper lip to make a "got milk" advert. We watched her stumble around for a bit before hopping in to her car and careening off. With the door still open we let ourselves in.
The party was bumpin, it was like beyond Beyond the Valley of the Dolls! Everyone who is anyone was there, and of course they were all fighting for my attention, I would do the same if I were in their shoes. After we made the rounds, Victoria came stumbling up to us.
"Frau, you wanna scam on each other in the hot tub?" She asked.
"Oh Vic, I'm flattered, but how many times do I have to tell you, these scissors don't cut that way," I said, she seemed a little crushed, while Mary F giggled like a girl with a secret. "Now if you want, I'll let you watch me make out with your husband." I added, which seemed to cheer her up and she jetted off to find him.
While we waited for her to come back, Mary F offered to get us some drinks from the bar. I didn't want to move, perchance missing the return of Vic with David in tow. By the time she returned with the drinks, I had cozied up to an amusing little blonde who insisted I call her Cathy Lee Crosby.
"Why look at your little outfit!" I exclaimed, as she was fully decked out Wonder Woman style.
"That's Incredible!" She seemed reserved at first, but then after making sure that we were not wearing any Maybelline products, she loosened up a bit. We all laughed a bit as Jon Lovits kicked Andy Dick in the, well, dick. By the time Andy ran out of the place, following the snowy Lohan path, I had downed my Bartles and James and began to get a little impatient.
I tried to focus on the large wall clock across the room, but it was all a blur. I turned to Mary F in what felt like a slow motion twirl as the colors of the room seemed to sing and dance around me.
"Koo-koo-ka-joo," Mary F giggled. I then looked down at my empty bottle of B&J and noticed the gritty residue at the bottom. Damn that girl, she had done it to me again. Fool me once, shame on you, fool me twice... well, then I passed out... needless to say, by the time I came to, Mary F had uploaded a ton of new images to her pay-per-view website... at least she bought me a coffee the next day... all though it was decaf and I had to throw it in her face.
