I was over at the Five Below store, cause you know a bitch too good for Dollar General, picking up some stocking stuffers for my BFF, Pygar… I swear, Angels are so hard to shop for… I spied one of those little blind box toys and thought that would be a hoot… what with Pygar being blind and all… I operate on multiple layers, please keep up… anywho, its this little box that contains one of the “Disney Villains” as a cute little toy, cause remember, evil is fun kids!
I’m at the self-checkout, you know, since the corporate overloads don’t want to actually pay for a cashier nowadays… like, now I gotta play the role of “Five Below Cashier” for this little mellow drama too? So I’m trying to scan the fucking thing, and it won’t read, so after a few failed attempts, I just threw the damn thing in my bag and walked out. I mean, it's a cute toy of a wicked villain… it's like Disney is actually encouraging me to do bad things! 
As I walked out of the store, I never felt so alive! I had never shoplifted before, and now I understand the rush that Winona Ryder was feeling when she tried to nick that cashmere Marc Jacobs sweater back in 2001! And look what happened to her! Just last year she was part of Marc Jacobs new campaign for the “J Marc Shoulder Bag.” I guess they trusted her with the campaign cause the bag isn’t big enough to cram a cashmere sweater in… but I’m sure she could fit a couple of cute tops in there.
I guess the moral of the story is, don’t do drugs… get high the natural way, by stealing.
