Truly Outrageous...

So I was at the Grammy's this past weekend trying to drum up interest in my "Gem and The Holograms" cover band [Alison Goldfrapp was slated to be Kimber but she refused to participate unless she got to be Synergy, I reluctantly agreed, bitch is always trying to upstage me]. I had a fabulous dress made out of my demo CDs, so that when ever I bumped into a high profile producer, I just plucked one off the bottom of my dress and nonchalantly handed it to him. Once word got out that I was there, my demo became the hot ticket and my dress quickly became a mini skirt.

Ma' Knowles emerged from a dark corner corner like an evil Skeksis and scuttled over to Beyonce and whispered in her ear while pointing over at me. Beyonce grew red with anger but tried to maintain her cool as she walked over to me. I smiled and winked, which I knew caused her to rage on the inside. She is such a sociopath clinging on to that mask of sanity.

"Look, Frau," She started in quietly, "there is only room from one hoochie in the spotlight tonight, and that's me."

"Really? Does that mean Christina Aguilera isn't going to be here?" I replied. She scowled, silently looking me up and down. Then with her laser beam eyes, she quickly recorded over all of my demos.

"There you go, bitch, see how many people want a copy of Color Me Badd's come back album!" She began to cackle manically as my entourage of interested producers began to quickly disband.

"You little cunt!" I screamed as I lunged for her. I needed some quick P.R. now, and figured my beating Beyonce's ass was as good as it was going to get. Unfortunately, at that moment Tara Reid came walking in, and all of the journalists quickly focused their cameras on her tit that has just alighted from her top... again. Refusing to be defeated before I could even land a blow, I pulled Beyonce's hair so hard that I ripped it clean off her head while I kicked her to the floor. Triumphantly, like a warrior who had just claimed his enemy's scalp, I held it up for the crowd to see. This only seemed to encourage her laughter. I looked down at her bald ass laying there laughing, and then I realized that it was just a wig. I turned and ran, all the while, Beyonce's maddening laughter echoed through out my skull.

I was a distraught wreck, until a hour later, when Robbie Williams offered me some prescription drugs to console me. That began our two day bender of sex and drugs, but he couldn't keep up with the Frau. Many have tried, and they always end up in rehab after the first day. I do have to give Robbie credit for making through two days. I'll have to send him some flowers... or a carton of cigarettes.