Everyone knows that I’m very environmentally conscious… I
mean, it was Earth Day last month and all! On which I spent the whole day gathering cans to
recycle. Granted it was pretty easy [I found tons of shopping carts near Downtown
just filled with them!], but still what were you doing on the 10th of last month? That’s right,
not loving mother Earth like this bitch loves a mother. I’m not saying that I’m
better than you, but that’s all I’m saying.
So when I was at the recycle center I was also dropping
off my old Gateway Computer to recycle. What can I say, I’m a sucker for cow
print packaging… it makes me giggle… cows the shape of boxes… that shit is
hilarious! Anywho, the guy was all, “we don’t recycle electronics, you have to
take it to a special electronics recycling center,” and he directed me to some
place in Wilmington called “Totally Legit eRecycling.” Which sounded legit to me, and off I went.
“So you guys wipe the hard drives and stuff, you know, before
you ship this stuff out to be dismantled by children in India, right?” I ask the guy as I plop my computer on the counter.
“Yes, of course, of course,” the gentleman said, sliding the computer toward his side of the counter with a smile.
“Do you ever wonder how their deft little hands know
just where to find all of that tiny copper wiring,” I mused to the man. He
stared at me blankly. “You know, for the recycling.”
“Yes, of course, of course,” he said.
“Now, you are sure that you guys wipe the hard drives,
right?”
“Yes, of course, of course,” he reassured me. Which didn't really reassure me, but the place seemed legit, after all, it was in their
name. And if you can’t have faith that businesses are going to look out for
you, then what do we have?
So fast forward, the sun in shining and I’m feeling pretty damned good about
myself, then I remember all that recycling I did, and I feel even better! Until I get a text from my BFF, Pygar, directing me to some website
called “Naked White Bitch Bathroom Selfies.net” and that there is totally a picture of me there.
Which I think is impossible, because I only ever took one bathroom selfie [which I was going to sext to Channing Tatum but he keeps changing his
number... it’s a little game we play, him and I], and that pic was on my old computer that I had recycled. So there is no way that it
could be me, because the guy at the eRecycling place assured me that they'd wipe the drive. Of
course, I go to the site to verify this forgery, but then blam, there
it is!
Oh well... at least I wasn't making a "duck face"... then
I'd really be embarrassed.
P.S. Look at me, Channing. It's all for you!
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