“Oh Spirit, will you speak to me?” I implored, running up to him
“Hey Frau, I was going to call you.” Pygar said.
“CUT CUT!” yelled an obnoxious Steven Spielberg, well I guess that is kind of redundant.
“Wait, what’s going on?” I asked, confused.
“We should wrap up filming today, and I should be around tomorrow to pick up Chi-Chi.”
“Chi-Chi?”
“My Puggle… You were watching her... while I was on location filming. We’re doing some pick up scenes here in LA and should finish today.”
“Of course of course, I, uhm, just didn’t realize that it was going to be over a year. I thought you had died.”
“Frau, Angels don’t die, Angels are love.”
“That doesn’t make sense. Love dies all the time, just look at Hugh Hefner and Holly Madison,” I said, but only received a blank stare in reply.
“I’ll swing by tomorrow and take her off your hands,” he added calmly.
“Sure, sure, of course, I’ll be around all day.” Oh cursed Fortuna, why hast thou spun your wheel away from me. I had put Chi-Chi out in my back yard, oh so many months ago and sorta left her there. I spied her from the kitchen window just last week, she was burning sage and listening to the Indigo Girls, I’m afraid she’s gone totally feral!
I drove away, frantically searching for a pet store, if only I had gotten that iPhone, I’m sure there would be an app for this. From the corner of my eye I spied a shop called “Puppies and Pussies” across the street. I took a chance, hoping it wasn’t some sorta of lesbian bathhouse, and flipped a u-turn. Traffic stopped and horns started blazing as I jumped the curb and pulled to a stop right in front of the door. People continued to honk, I can only assume they recognized me and were clamoring for an autograph.
“There’s no time, sorry,” I waved to my fan base as I exited the car and threw the shop doors open. It was very dramatic. “Shopkeep, how much is that doggie in the window!” I cried out, pointing to the Puggle behind glass.
“Sorry, we just sold him. The gentleman is in the bathroom right now. Maybe you can talk it out with him,” she said just as I heard the toilet flush.
“NEMESIS!” I screamed and pointed, all Body Snatchers style, at Rufus Wainwright as he exited the bathroom. I guess I don’t need to tell you that he was dressed like Judy Garland after a bender.
“Well, well, well, little Miss Pretty, it seems I have thwarted you yet again,” he said, picking up a white kitten and stroking as if he were channeling Telly Savalas.
“Technically, you haven’t paid yet,” the Shopkeeper mentioned on the side.
“Technically nothing!” he yelled and threw the cat at my head. If ever my catlike reflexes were going to be any use to me, it definitely was in that moment, while a cat was flying towards my beautiful face. I quickly leapt out of the way into a display of toys, where I landed with a loud squeak, just as the cat sailed by, its hiss like the buzzing of a seriously pissed off bee flying past my ear. Unfortunately, the Shopkeeper wasn’t so lucky, and she ended up taking that pussy right in the face.
As I struggled to get out of the pile of squeaky toys, Rufus seized the moment and napped the Puggle. “Now I’m off to go play ‘Beatles Rock Band,’ suckers!” he cackled as he ran out of the store. He knows how to run in heels, I’ll give him that much. Once I recomposed myself, I followed shortly. I just had to leave, as the screams from the Shopkeeper were starting to really annoy me. Total drama queen, and I don’t have time for that kind of drama in my life. I ended up having to go to the dog pound, where I picked up a German Shepard. Pygar should be none the wiser, he is blind after all. Besides, more people need to rescue dogs from the pound and not support puppy mills. If only everyone knew that there are some great dogs that can be found there… and knowing is half the battle!
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