I was down at the Taco Bell getting some Doritos Tacos (I mean really, why had this not happened sooner?!?) when I spied a very young looking Jackie Stallone. Impossible, I know, but the headband was unmistakable.
"Yes, tis, I, Jackie." she said before I could even say a word.
"Goddamn you are psychic!" I squealed. "Quick, what are my lottery numbers!?"
"Frau, I'm sorry, I'm not psychic, I'm a Time Lord."
"But you aren't Brit--"
"We all can't be fucking David Tennant now can we," she interrupted testily. "Anyway, I am looking for a new companion to journey with me through time and space."
"Well, I do have a hair appointment this afternoon, but if you got a time machine, I guess you can still get me back in time..."
"My Tardis is parked around back, it's the blue MINI Cooper."
"What? Isn't it supposed to be a police box?" I said, sounding a little disappointed.
"How many police boxes do you see in Long Beach?" she asked rhetorically. "Do you want to do this or not?"
"I guess, sure..." I grabbed my Doritos Tacos and we were walked out into the parking lot. "So it's just like a regular old key?" I asked when she pulled a key out of her bra.
"Yes, and it--" she started to say but I bonked her on the head and snatched the key from her hand before she could finish. I popped in and drove off before she hit the ground.
... and that's the story of how I got a time machine. I don't know what happened to Jackie, I leave those time line conundrums to the nerds... and you know what, these things really are bigger on the inside... ooo, I wonder if Madonna's snatch is really a Tardis in disguise...
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