Money Cab!

I was leaving Pygar's apartment after getting ready for the premiere of my BFF Angie's new movie [I think its called Pepper... or Curry... I dunno, something like that], and I figured it'd be easier just to take a cab [you know, just in case I hook up with some hottie, I want to make sure he drives me home].

So run downstairs and jump into the waiting cab. Just as I put my seat-belt on all these lights start flashing and shit. Of course I'm thinkin' maybe I'm having a flashback or something, so I try and play it real cool.

"You're in the Money Cab!" the cabbie exclaimed.

"Wait, you're not hot little Ben Bailey," I say to the clearly not Ben Bailey. This cabbie wasn't even cute, actually he looked like a creepy older version of a nameless drag queen who jumped off the top of Pygar's apartment building. "And don't you mean 'Cash Cab?'"

"No, no, this is totally different. But you can still totally win money! So do you wanna play?"

"Sure, why not," I say, after all, if this Skaggs Lady Lee knock off wants to give me money, who am I to argue. "So, this is going to be on TV, huh?" I said nervously, noticing the small camera mounted above the dash.

"Uhm--yeah...! On TV!"

"I'm suddenly feeling a bit anxious," I giggled nervously, concerned about how my hair and make up were.

"I have some Quaaludes if you want?" He offered, holding up a box of Lemonheads.

"You keep 'ludes in a box of Lemonheads?"

"Yeah, its uh... just more convenient. So do you want one?"

"Uhm, no, I think I'll be okay."

"Are you sure?" he said, shaking the box slightly.

"No... thanks... really."

"Well you just let me know if you change your mind. So shall we play the game now?" he asked as we pulled into traffic.

"Yes! Bring it on!" I said rubbing my hands together.

"Okay, the first question is worth 25$! Do you date older men?"

"Well that's a strange question, I thought this was supposed to be general--"

"15 seconds, I need your answer!" he interrupted.

"Yes!" I exclaimed, I get excitable even watching game shows, let alone being on one!

"Good-err, I mean, Correct! The next question is worth 50$. Without looking, what color are your panties?"

"Really, I don't understand the relevance--"

"10 seconds!"

"Damn, I need to use my mobile shout-out," I said. He handed me a mobile phone and asked who I was going to call. "My friend, Pygar, he's an angel."

"Hello?" I heard Pygar say at the other end of the line.

"Pygar, its Frau, I'm in the Money Cab and I need your help with a question. This afternoon, when I was changing at your place, what color panties was I wearing?"

"Frau, first of all, you do realize that I am blind. Secondly, when have you ever worn panties?"

"Of course! Oh Pygar, I could kiss you! Thanks, I'll call you later" I said, hanging up the phone, the to the cabbie, "I'm not wearing any!"

"Oh yes," his said, his voice dropped slightly as the cab swerved a little, "that's the right answer! You are doing so well, can I offer you a Lemonhead?"

"Ooo, yeah, I love Lemonheads!" I said, taking a Lemonhead from the box, "They're way better than stupid Cherry Chan, I mean really, what a racist. You know, these aren't very sour," I added, sucking on the candy.

"Uhm... its because they're super fresh! Next question! For 100$! Are you old enough to vote?"

"Yes!"

"Oh, I'm sorry, you lose," he appeared to be genuinely crestfallen.

"But I am old enough to vote!" I protested.

"Yeah... sorry, I'm going to have to kick you out here," he said pulling off to the side of the road.

"But we're on the 405!"

"Sorry, but those are the rules of the game," he said as he drove off.



"Well ain't that a fine 'how do you do,'" I said to myself as I stuck my thumb out to try and hitch a ride. But then my arm started to feel really heavy, and I thought it sounded like a good idea to sit by the side of the road... and maybe rest my eyes a minute. Next thing I knew, I woke up three days later in Palm Springs laying in the back of a car with Jeremy London, an empty bottle of Hennessy, and an eighth of crank.