After Hours

So I went down to the Penny's to find a gold thimble. My friend, Pygar, collects thimbles and after last year's Christmas debacle, I figured I'd keep it simple. The lady at the counter directs me to the elevator, which is all old timey with an honest to god elevator operator. He's kinda cute, and I'm totally smizing at him, but he was immune to my powers [read: queerer than a three dollar bill].

He takes me to the ninth floor, which is weird, because I don't think the building had nine floors. I exit the elevator and see there is nothing on entire floor other than a couple of busted up display cases and some raggedy Joan Collins looking mannequins. I turn to leave and see the queen and the elevator has disappeared, leaving me stranded.

"I'm glad you finally made it back, Marsha," I'm startled by a voice behind me. I turn to see that it is actually Joan Collins.

"O.M.G! Joan, I'm such a big fan! I loved you in 'Empire of the Ants!' That was some fine work you did there," I exclaim. "You know, come to think of it, I haven't see you in a while, is this where you've been hiding?"

"Yes, Marsha, you know it has been. Have you enjoyed your time living among the humans?"

"What'chu talkin'bout, Joan? You been nipping Jackie's Juice again? Unless she's got a sister named Jan, I don't know who Marsha is, and I'm most certainly not her."

"Marsha, Marsha White. You've clearly forgotten who you are. But you'll remember soon enough. You're fifteen years late, it's now my turn to live among the humans."

"Gurl, you so crazy." I say with a laugh, but my smile drops when she starts in with the crazy eyes and moving toward me. "Gurl, you so crazy," the seriousness of my words reflected in the change in my tone. Just as she was about to grab me, I totally Jackie Chaned her right in the throat, causing her to lose balance and fall to the ground, where she literally split into pieces.

"Guess that many plastic surgeries will do that to a gal," I remarked to myself. Then I saw that she was wearing a pair of Prada Boots. "No sense in letting those lovelies go to waste," I thought as I pulled them off her feet.

So I didn't get Pygar his gold thimble, but whatever, I walked out of there with a posh new pair of boots. And everyone knows, bitches can't resist a pair of boots.