The Fame Monsters

The Librarian was a little confused with my request. She was a cute little ginger wearing a hand knit sweater. I knew that she could read me as being a person of intellect [she was a thinker, as indicated by the lack of a kitten on her sweater]. That's why I think my request threw her for a loop.

"Did you say wanted to check out 'Dollhouse?'" she asked.

"Yes, by the authors Kim, Khloe and Kourtney Kardashian. Its work of fiction. It tells the story of Kamille, Kassidy, and Kyle. Sisters who bond with their fame. I mean, they bond with each other, not the camera lens of the paparazzi. That would be silly!" I said matter-of-factly.

She clicked away on her computer for a second, then said, "We have two copies. They're on the new releases shelf."

"Thank goodness," I sigh with relief as I trotted over to the new release self and snatched off both copies. "I've driven to every library in the greater Los Angeles area! I'd like to check both of these out," I said as I set the books on the counter and slid them over.

"That's a little unorthodox, Miss--" she glanced at my library card, "Miss Ciccone."

"I know, but I wanted to get a copy for my much older sister, Lourdes. That way we could both read it at the same time. It's like a book club for sisters!" I chuckle vapidly.

"Oh, uhm, okay." She seemed unconvinced but went ahead and scanned the books and slid them over to me. "Enjoy."

"Oh, I--er... we will!" I said with a smile as I turned and exited.

I walked over to my car and popped the trunk. After casually tossing the two books on the growing pile, I then drove over to a secluded part of the LA riverbed that I had been using as my base camp for the past three days. It was difficult work, but it was worth it, I thought to myself as I unloaded the trunk onto the massive pile that was comprised of nearly every copy of "Dollhouse" in Southern California. I wiped the sweat from my brow and quietly reflected on the scale of my deed. Here I was, through a simple act, saving humanity.

"I know the world may never know of what I have done here, but at least I'll know. Every time somebody is looking for a book to read, I'll know that I have given them the magnificent gift of not having a Kardashian 'novel' as an option," I said aloud as I threw the match onto the gasoline soaked books. "Burn, Kuntdashian, Burn!" I chanted as I danced around the flames.

 

I began to laugh when I thought about poor old sad old Madge getting an massive overdue book fee. Then I paused for a quiet moment of reverie. If only I had thought of this years earlier, I could have stopped that Stephanie Meyers drivel from infecting our teens and Cougar Moms. Seriously? Sparkling vampires? That's just fucking stupid...