A new fitness experience...

Bitches always be askin, "Frau, how come you always looking so fine and fierce?" I know I make it look effortless, but it takes a lot of work to look this fly. I thought it was going to be hard once I had to close my gym membership [fucking Drew Barrymore] and I tried all of the fad workouts [screw P90X... and Insanity is just crazy!]. 

Then I met a very special lady named Joanna Rohrback. It was like meeting my special spirit animal high up in some exotic mountains somewhere in the Ancient Orient... I was skeptical at first, I mean who wouldn't be, she insisted we meet at Lincoln Park near the Japanese garden [hence my previous Ancient Orient analogy, I know, it was a bit of a stretch but at least you can see where I was able to draw a line]. Once we started, it was like the clouds parted [which they did, because the marine layer started to burn off] and I was exposed to a whole new approach that unified both mind and body in the ultimate fitness experience. I felt like was was on "E," but without all of those annoying PLUR kids. I literally [figuratively] transcended. Who needs an over priced gym membership, when you can Prancercise! 

And then, as if the gift of Prancercise was not enough, Joanna Rohrback showed me how to twerk like I've never seen a bitch twerk before! Thank you, Joanna, thank you for this gift!