Weinergate

I had just wrapped my hair and was almost ready for bed when my phone pinged with a message. Naturally, I grabbed my phone, I had been waiting to hear back about the screen test for the Wonder Woman pilot I did. I had some great ideas about the costume too, I just know that people are gonna love it. Anywho, so I check the message, which was sadly wasn't a call back, it was a picture tweet from my friend Pygar. Needless to say, when I saw the picture I was shocked [and, well, a little impressed].

I quickly dialed him up. "What the hell, Pygar?" I asked after he picked up his phone. "Whats with the bugle-o-gram?"

"My Twitter account was hacked, and somebody sent that picture to everyone in my address book," he said in his calm cool voice.

"Oh so that isn't you?" I tried to mask my disappointment, not that anything ever happened between us, but hey, a gal was suddenly giving some thought on the subject.

"No, not at all."

"So then why haven't you sent out a follow up tweet saying that it wasn't you and that your account was hacked?" I asked. He got quiet for a moment. Then it all clicked. "OH, I get it--"

"I mean--" he tried to interrupt.

"--who cares if people think you are blanket sexting the interweb, as long as they walk away with the impression that you are hung like a Andalusian donkey."

"Really, what's the crime here?"

"I have a feeling you aren't thinking this through. You don't know women like I do, and I don't mean that in a Scissor Kisses kinda way." I said when my other line beeped. "Anywho, I gotta go, I've got another call." I clicked to the other line and started to say, "Hell--" when I was cut off by an anxious sounding woman.

"Hey, you hang out with Pygar, right? Is he dating anyone? Can you arrange a meet up for a sister?"

"Who the hell is this?"

"Chelsea."

"Who?"

"Chelsea Handler."

"Who?"

"I--" she started.

"I'm sorry, Mrs 'what-ever-you-said-your-name-was,' how did you get this number?" I asked as my other line beeped again. "Oh hold on, I've got another call." I clicked to the other line, "Hello?"

"Hey, is this Frau? This is Snookie, I hear you are good friends with Pygar the Angel, can you tell him--"

"Lordy Lou!" I exclaimed, before hanging up on both of them and shutting off my phone for the rest of the night.

This morning, when I turned my phone back on, I dismayed at how many messages I had!

I haven't had this many messages since I flashed my panties on the red carpet [so what if they were crotchless... the Kids Choice Awards needed a little spicing up anyway... its only in the past few weeks those damned Jonas Brothers have finally stopped calling]. Anywho, I was a little bummed when not a single one of the messages this morning was for me... why bitches gotta be callin' me?!